Foster Care: Our Love story: an Update and a Winner!

I have been completely wrapped up in my own head this past week. I've reached a level of anxiety that was formerly unknown. I literally can do nothing but walk around in a haze of adoption jargon and unsure plans.

When we first found out about a newborn girl with a broken heart who needed a family, I refused to let myself have any feelings about it. I was like: Sure, I can handle sending in our info and being told "No". But then we were told "Yes" and I was completely thrown for a loop. We have spoken to adoption agencies (plural) this week, a lawyer, and Dr's all the way across the country this week. We found out that 5 other families were considered as well, and we were the family matched with this baby. We found out that California didn't like our homestudy and we need to do it over again- in the next week. We found out that she doesn't have a name yet, so we went ahead and gave her one, albeit unofficially. Baby is not ready to be discharged from the hospital yet, but she's getting bigger and stronger everyday. She was born at 33 weeks- 4lbs 9oz and now she's nearly 6 weeks old and 5lbs 12oz. We think when she comes home, she'll need just normal infant care with the exception another heart surgery when she's 6 mo old. Everyone wants us to adopt this little girl, but we need to get over the legal hurdles to make this happen. The entire process to be approved for this adoption usually takes 6 months and we need to get it done in 3 weeks, so we can bring her home in 4 weeks. Now I'm like: Nope, I can not handle sending in our info and being told "No".

Baby 6 is a tornado of toddler. He is so cute, but it's literally nonstop cleaning and recleaning, hiding our remotes, and keeping him from climbing the baby gates. He's pulled 4 keys off my laptop. He doesn't stay in one place long enough to really have a feel for who he is. Except bedtime. Come 7pm, he will let me hold him, rock, and sing until he's sleeping. There has been a relative resource identified for him that is being checked out right now. I'm kind of hoping he can go to her soon. Had I known about everything we'd be going through in these next few weeks, I probably wouldn't have taken another placement. There has to be a reason that I got the email about our daughter (?!?!?!?!!!!) 7hrs after taking him rather than 7hrs before.

When I told the county about the adoption and our need for respite in a couple of weeks, the matcher offered us the option to disrupt 6's placement. She said everyone would understand if it was too much right now, and 6 would be OK. My knee jerk reaction is to pack him up. That's not me, though. We don't send kids back because they are difficult or because we are busy!! So 3 or 4 times a day I look up from the goldfish crackers he just threw on the floor or the photo album that he ripped apart and I say a little "Thank you" for the blessing that he is and the excitement he brought to our family.

Baby 4 is doing AMAZING!!! He's breathing perfectly on his own. He's so patient with Baby 6, who has trashed the playroom and hits 4 all the time. I am so grateful for him. He's the best kid I know. I've started trying to prep him for respite and our adoption by telling him that we need a girl baby around here, so if there is a girl baby that needs a house, we would say, "Pick us! Pick us!". We told him that he might have to have a sleepover at our friend's house while we pick her up. 4 was totally cool with it. This morning he asked, "Are you getting my sister today?". Not yet, buddy.

The photo album that 6 ripped up had pictures of Baby 5 in it. I completely broke down. I haven't had any time to miss my boy, but that heartbreak doesn't go away until you face it. I miss the face that smiled at me all day everyday. I miss pureed bananas and even carrying that heavy, bulky infant carseat. I'm so so happy about out future and so so sad about the past.

So that's whats going on here. Now on to the important stuff :)

Thank you to everyone that reads my blog and everyone who entered our 100th post giveaway!!