Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Just Like That

This is why sane people don't do Foster Care

Because on a Wednesday, as you are holding the most perfect baby ever made, a caseworker can call and tell you that the paternity results have come in and she wants to move baby as soon as possible to someone he has never seen before.

Just like that
You get up and plan your next couple of days: You are going to pretend to enjoy Thanksgiving- telling yourself that these last few moments are precious and not devastating. Then you are going to call this person- that has never held your child, but can come in after 4 months and take him away- and try to tell them that baby gets overstimulated easily, but if you let him go in just a diaper and walk around with him facing out he will calm down. He likes rocking, but not bouncing. He always needs a diaper change 10 minutes after  bottle- even if you just changed him before feeding. He loves blowing kisses and funny faces. Black Friday won't be about finding great deals on toys, but on plastic totes for packing toys and clothes.

The agency is closed until Monday, so you have to call your caseworker now.

She asks, "How do you feel about all of this?"

You don't want to cry on the phone with the person you'll be begging for a baby from in a couple of weeks. So you say, "I expected this, but saying goodbye is never easy."

The honest truth is that doing foster care is THE most painful thing someone can do. You have to fully invest yourself in a child. Be their parent- defend that role viciously- and root for someone else who wants to tear them away from you. You know it'll hurt you if they leave. You know it'll hurt them either way. How am I feeling about all of this?! I'm feeling broken to pieces.

This is why sane people don't do Foster Care

Because on a Wednesday, as you are taking inventory of little jars of veggies and cans of formula that you'll have to pack soon, a caseworker can call you and tell you that Dad refused to visit with Baby and anything could happen next week at court.
Just like that
You settle a little bit. Someone who doesn't even want to see their child surely won't get custody, right?

Then you get mad. How could ANYONE say no to this perfect baby?!

Sad again- The system fails all the time, and your son could still be sent to live with someone who has never seen him and refused to visit. The judge may never even hear about that anyway.

I'm not sane.

Baby 5 could be sent to his Dad as early as next Friday when we have court. Or Dad could skip court and 5 can stay with us through the end of the year. Or the judge could be distracted by the Christmas season and adjourn our case again until January. Or she could insist visits happen first.
On December 2nd at 9:30 (probably more like 11:45) a judge will decide how our story goes.

Just like that

This is why sane people don't do Foster Care


  1. Praying for you and the precious little one. May God choose best for the baby and allow peace and joy over whichever the decision should be. ♥

  2. ...because someone has to love a child who can come just like that, and go just like that.

    Someone has to love just like that.

    Praying for a peaceful weekend, and peace in your heart for whatever is best. I know that heartbreak all too well. We didn't even have a warning.


  3. I'm a new reader - and I just wanted to leave you some encouragement. As an adoptive mother of an older child I wish my daughter had foster parents like you. The love and affection you are giving these little ones is forming their brains and preparing them to love and be loved in the future. That is invaluable to their future family and to them directly. What a gift you are!