From This Moment

I got a call Friday from Baby 5's caseworker that was very expected. His case is moving along nicely and November will bring a lot of changes for him, and as a result- us. There are a lot of milestones that come with fostering- The Call, Meeting the Bios, The 1yr Mark. This conversation with the caseworker where she pretty much said, "Get ready. Get packed." and "Get him down to the lab Tuesday for DNA testing" brought me to a milestone- The Moment.

The Moment is when you realize that this child who was placed in your home "temporarily" with "reunification being the goal" has your entire heart in his tiny little fist and will be ripping it out when he leaves. It's The Moment when you panic because your baby can't leave!!! He belongs with you!

****Foster Care Fun Fact**** Almost any country song can be interpreted to fit foster care/adoption and can make me think about my babies and sob like a maniac. Here are some of my favorites:

From this moment, as long as I live,

I will love you. I promise you this

There is nothing I wouldn't give

From this moment on

I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky

In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life

I'll keep a part of you with me, and everywhere I am there you'll be

Aaaand, I'm crying! Before I go grab a tissue, I want to tell you about going to get the genetic marker test.

It was super easy (practically speaking, not emotionally since we are post-Moment and all). I took Baby to the lab with a copy of his birth certificate which I got from the caseworker. The tech triple checked all his information and had me fill out a form with all his info so she could compare her info with what I provided. I had to show identification for myself. She took a picture of baby and did 4 cheek swabs which baby smiled during. We were in and out in 10 minutes.

We'll find out the results and make changes to baby's case accordingly in November.

Unrelated Children

When we first got certified for foster care, we wanted a sibling group. I knew we could parent more than one child, but I was afraid that I wasn't ready to deal with 2 caseworkers, 2 judges, 2 visitation schedules, 2 Biofamilies, etc. I made it clear that while open to multiple children, we only wanted one family/case at a time.

After having 3 cases and many respites, we felt we had enough experience to handle two families at once and we asked for Baby 5. So far being involved in 2 cases has worked out, although having experienced parenting 2 related children then 2 unrelated children, I can tell you unrelated is a lot more work. Balancing each child's separate schedule is tricky because no one involved in one case cares about what's going on in the other case. Example: Baby 4 has a service plan review coming up next month. It falls at the exact time as Baby 5's visit is ending (read: I need to be picking him up). I asked about it being moved and the CW gave me another option which was at the same time as 5's service plan review. If they had been related children, that wouldn't have been an issue. As much as the logistics side of unrelated children is tricky- it can be navigated with a trusty dayplanner and a babysitter on stand by.

The stuff I've really been struggling with since bringing home 5 is the emotional part of it. How to delicately prepare these little souls and their big feelings for the way we live. Both of our boys could go home in November and both of our boys could stay here forever- we just don't know yet. Either way, when we decided to take unrelated children we were really signing each of them up for additional roles in foster care. They will now have to balance attachment and saying Goodbye the way we do. They will now have to be aware of foster care outside their own situation. When they go home, they're not just being ripped away from us, but also the sibling they love.

I'm trying to emotionally secure the children's place in our family. Baby 4 calls 5 "My baby". I tell them I will always love them- no matter what they do or where they are. How do I keep that security if one child goes home? How do I explain one going home and one staying? It's bad enough now that Baby 5 has two visits/week when 4 just has one- what happens when the baby starts weekend overnight visits and the preschooler is still doing his 1hr supervised visit? Will he know he's loved and protected if 5 goes home and we get that call for Baby 6? Keeping open dialogue is going to be very important. There can't just be a day when Baby's not here anymore- going home has to be normalized while staying with us has to be OK as well.

Our preschool version of foster care that we talk about at least weekly, but sometimes several times/day is: Kids need to live in a home that is safe so they don't get really sick or hurt. If a Mommy or Daddy doesn't know how to keep their kids safe, the kids live in another house while their parents learn to take great care of them. Kids can go home when their parents can keep them safe. Baby 4 knows that his family is learning how to keep him safe and that Baby 5's parents are doing the same. He asks why I know how to keep him safe, but other Mommies don't know how. I tell him that not all parents can keep kids safe. It's a very hard job, but they are trying to do better. I hope this idea will help us get through having siblings that may be separated.

What I can't control is how the sibling that moves away will handle the loss. Will the family allow them to talk about their missing brother? Will they show them the sibling pictures from their time with us? What if Baby 4 leaves and 5 stays? Will he think I wanted the baby more than him?

This topic is really too big to tackle in one post, but I'm processing it slowly and surely. I wonder if this is something that other foster parents worry about, or if it is yet another example of me overthinking. Either way, it does complicate the little lives of my children- who already have too many complications. Preparation is the key for making our family's transitions as minimally traumatic as possible. Unfortunately, there is not much time to prepare for anything in foster care.


Ultimately, I have to lean on my world view and beliefs. Our story has been written by a God who has good intentions for us and our children. The children who are placed in our home have been equipped with the personalities and abilities to ride this roller coaster in the same way that Brandon and I have been. The children who become part of our family will be taking part of our calling, and I hope they will see it as their calling as well. Our legacy becomes their legacy, their burdens become ours- we share love, joy, and loss. I have to believe that they are made to keep up with our changing dynamics and that being a foster family will make them strong and sensitive, quick to love and unafraid of change. The kids that we call our own are special and they'll be protected throughout our story.

 I've been reading a blog written by the biodaughter of a foster/adoptive family. She shares her experiences as a foster-sibling and how it has changed her perspective and faith. I am so appreciative to her for journalingLearning To Abandon

Life Changing Material Is On It's Way!!

Fall is my favorite: pumpkin bread, apple picking, hoodies, hot tea, cinnamon rolls, Halloween costumes, crunchy leaf piles, fuzzy baby rompers, corn mazes- the list could go on and on.

I am thoroughly enjoying this fall with 4 and 5.

This October is the calm before the storm. We have 2 court dates in November that could change my family. Either baby could go home, visits could increase, transitions could start, bio-connections could be broken. I have no idea what will happen, and I have legitimate concerns about any possible outcome. There is so much drama and complexity in both their families. I can't figure any of it out. November is going to be crazy either way, and that's why October has become our oasis.

So that's why things might be quiet on here for now, because I'd rather play "Bugga bugga BOO!" with Baby 5 or make peanut butter play dough with Baby 4 than do anything else in the world. I'm working on some posts one sentence at a time. They're coming together quite nicely- words of foster genius, really. When they finally get done I'm sure you'll laugh, cry, and be better people for having read my blog. Hahaha! ...Or, you'll get a cool tip about keeping your phone number private and untraceable, hear about my 1st time co-leading MAPP, and watch me work out my feelings about foster siblings. Coming soon! I swear!

Made For This

I have been a Foster Care machine this week! Literally everyday has been filled with Foster related activities. I attended a Monday/Wednesday Shared Parenting training, Brandon and I spoke on a panel for Perspective Foster Parents and their families on Tuesday. Baby 4 had a bio-visit, 3 relative resource calls, a pre-op appt for his upcoming surgery, his physical and Kindergarten shots, an appt with the specialist he sees for his scars, a home nursing recertification, school, and dance. Baby 5 had 2 biovisits, court, and a homevisit with his caseworker. The MAPP class I'm co-leading in October went from having 2 people signed up to having 26 and a waiting list. We added another trainer and had to adjust our meeting plans accordingly. There was mail, note cards, and 3 ring binders galore in my dining room.

In the midst of all that, I also received 6 texts and 1 phone call from Baby 2 &3's Dad!!! He sent me pictures of them and let me know where they are living and how they are doing. I can't even explain what that meant to me. We haven't heard anything from him in over 5 months. I'm extremely grateful for that connection. Baby 2 turned 3 last week and I was able to mail him some presents. It was hard to give Dad space as he started to call and text. I wanted so badly to just ask for a visit with them, but I didn't want to sound pushy or scare him away. Instead I just affirmed everything he told me he was doing with/for the boys and I thanked him for calling me. He said he wants to meet our new children and let all the boys play together, but we didn't set up a time. This is the selfish side of reaching out and respecting the bioparents- initially we do it because it's right for our kids and their family, but it also pays into a bank that gets cashed in when you are on the other side. All those pictures, texts, and updates I sent to Dad while they were with me set the tone for our post-reunification relationship.

Baby 5 court update- he will definitely be with us through November, and probably through December as well. There has been no movement in his situation at all. We were expecting Dad's petition to be addressed and Baby to go home with him this month, but he's not officially "Dad" yet. Apparently that system runs slowly.

Tonight I am going to a foster parent support group for the first time. I got a call about it on
Wednesday and I was iffy about if it would be worth my time until they said "Free childcare" and "We'll be serving dinner". I was not about to say no to either of those things. At the very least it'll give me some blog material.

This week was so jam packed, I entered it assuming I'd be very overwhelmed, but it felt very natural to me. Navigating this world is tricky, but I love it. Being pulled into everyone's drama is draining, but it allows me to forgo having my own drama. Emerging from this week relatively unscathed gives me a clear-er picture of my purpose on this earth. I am made for this.

Growing Up, Growing Out

Baby 4 is developing and changing so fast, I can't even keep up! Last week he started Preschool and Dance!

Today I got an email from his caseworker. They had court today and I didn't go because I didn't particularly want to. There have been some annoying details going on with visits and caseworkers and relative resource that have been bothering me. There is this perception of foster parents that all we want in life is to keep people's kids away from them. That couldn't be further from the truth in Baby 4's case. I have tried very hard to get the county to educate 4's family about his needs so he can spend MORE time with them. Of course I would love to keep Baby 4. If he needs forever from me, I will happily give it. I would never sabotage a reunion because I love my boy.  I have told many people on many occasions that if relative resource seems like she's going to work out, then the training and transfer should happen sooner rather than later so 4 doesn't get more comfortable with us than necessary- but every time we go to court nothing happens and Baby 4 is left hanging in the wind for another 2-4 weeks.

So the caseworker went to court and shockingly nothing happened. Relative resource asked about her petition for custody that has been ignored since April and the county was instructed to get on it and figure out what they think of her. So they go back November and DHS needs to have proof that they have prepared her to care for him and that she either can or can't. If she can, he could be gone by Christmas.

Baby 4's made so much progress in the past 6 months and I'm so proud of him. I'm proud of all of us, really. I didn't know Brandon and I had what it takes to parent a kid like him. Whether he stays or goes, he's going to be better for the time he was here. That's why we do it all, to improve a child's life- even just a little.

It's unnatural to say goodbye to your child. In foster care we are asked to make strong attachments and yet let go easily. We are asked to plan and consider our kids as if they are permanent, yet realistically they aren't. It puts a little spin on every accomplishment and milestone. We're one step closer to losing our son with every dance class and bus ride. I shouldn't have to feel this way until Highschool graduation, but I may never get to see Kindergarten with 4.

As mopey as that sounds, it makes me appreciate our time together a little more. I want to experience everything I can with him. The concept of being separated makes playing "What's this dinosaur?" suddenly tolerable- maybe even enjoyable.

While 4 may be leaving my home, he has left a permanent mark on my heart. For that I am extremely grateful.

Why I Number My Children

Hi Snooki Toes!!

So it's come to my attention that calling my children by numbers could be perceived as offensive. In all fairness, The numbers thing is only for the blog since all kids in care have the right to confidentiality. It's not like I'm ever saying it out loud to them.

Either way, when I was deciding how I would address the children for the blog, I looked to other foster bloggers for ideas. Most of the blogs I read use cute made up nicknames for each child and a few use names that the foster parents have chosen for the children either just for the blog or to be made official upon adoption. My problem with either of those methods is that (1) it takes a lot of creativity that I just don't have to nickname children and (2) I was afraid that I would slip up and accidentally post the child's real name. Having numbers makes it obvious to me that I've slipped up and typed the child's name so I can replace it with a number before posting. (3)I thought about calling them by their first initial, but that is stepping pretty close to TMI and we have multiple children with the same first initial. (4) Typing "4" is faster than typing "snooki toes" or whatever name I could come up with.

Further, numbering my kids helps a reader who's jumping into the middle of my story to figure out who's who pretty easily. If I have 2 kids living with me right now, my kids are numbered 1-5, and I'm talking about baby 3- he has probably already returned home. As opposed to snooki toes, tootsie roll, glitter angel, paint-y face, and... see? I can't even make up 5 fake made-up names! Anyway, the nicknames give no clues about who is who and when they came or left.

Considering the length of time and amount of children I plan on fostering, numbers made sense. So sorry if it sounds cold. If you can get past my metric system of labeling children and read my content, you'd know that cold is not an accurate word to describe me or how I feel about my children.

Just to clarify- Hats off to the foster bloggers who can pull off the nickname thing with out slipping up or ending up with names like "sausage elbow" like I eventually would. I don't think everyone should go around numbering their kids, but it works for me.

Thank you and goodnight.

Meet The Parents

With every new placement comes the awkward moment where I have to meet our baby's bios. This causes so much anxiety for me- I don't know if that's one of my personal quirks, or if it just comes with the territory. No matter what circumstances surround this child coming into care, their parents are going to be part of my life as long as the child is, so we need to get along. For the most part, I've had a good working relationship with our bioparents. I was still so nervous though when Baby 5's first visit came up with his Mom. It was time to get that initial contact out of the way.

I feel the need to dress up like I'm going to a job interview when I meet biofamily. So I donned my button up black shirt and put on makeup as if my ability to apply mascara will convince a Mom that I'm taking good care of her child. Then I printed out pictures of Baby 5's first week with us. I placed them in a note book with  a carefully worded note, "Your son is THE cutest baby I have ever seen! I can't imagine how difficult it is to have to trust me with him, but I promise to treat him like gold until he can come home to you." Then I write in the notebook when the next Dr appt is and write it a second time on a piece of loose paper that the parent can take with them.That notebook went into an expertly packed diaper bag: diapers and wipes to last days, 3 bottles with premeasured powdered formula, 3 of baby's cutest outfits that say something to the effect of "I love Mommy", bibs and burps cloths with the same sentiments, a light blanket, and a heavier blanket, diaper rash cream, Vaseline, and an extra binkie.

I bathe baby 5 right before we leave for the visit, slather him in lotion, and dress him in the cutest outfit I can find. In the car I pow-wow with Baby 4 about saying, "Hi" and that's all to Baby 5's Mom. The last thing I need is for him to call her Baby 5's "other" Mommy or ask her why she couldn't keep baby safe. Conversations that are normal at our house, are shocking to outsiders. For the first time I'm not worried about how a black family will accept a white woman caring for their children. I'm meeting a white family today. Suddenly I worry if they'll  accept my son- they should, more than anyone, realize that kids don't come into care because they are bad, but because their home wasn't safe. Maybe I should have left 4 with a sitter. Too late now.

We walk into the visitation center, and the caseworker meets me in the lobby to take 5 to his Mom who's already waiting in the room. She says maybe we shouldn't meet until the formal icebreaker is scheduled. She'll bring 5 out to us in an hour.  Did I really just get dressed up for nothing?

Baby 4 and I go get lunch and come back in an hour. The caseworker brings out 5 and we leave. As we make our way to the car I see Mom come out of the building and start talking to the caseworker. I wave at her from across the parking lot. She yells, "I'll see you tomorrow!", like we're girlfriends who need to catch up. I buckle the boys in and walk around to my seat as Mom and Grandpa pull up to me in their car. We talk for a few moments and they are more than pleasant. Mom is my age. She's beautiful, well dressed, and articulate in speech. Her Dad reminds me of my own. She thanks me for the pictures and says she wants to be friends. We exchange phone numbers right then and she calls me on the spot to make sure I gave her a real number. She assures me that the reasons 5 was taken are all lies. I tell her I'm sorry she's going through all this- I am, if not just for her then for Baby 5. I leave feeling pretty positive about the whole experience. I hope she noticed how professional my shoes looked with my shirt.

The next day, I go through the same preparation to bring 5 to his visit. Again, I don't see Mom until she comes to my car after the visit is over. She hugs me no less than 10 times and tells me her life story. I gather from her account that Baby 5 may be a short placement before returning to his Dad. She tells me that if she has other children and they get taken, she wants us to have them. She said it like she was giving us a gift. She asks about my husband and Baby 4 and seems really satisfied with my answers. I think she sees herself in me as much as I see myself in her. She's the first Mom I've ever worked with, and the first parent who is my age. Looking at each other is like looking at the "What could have been" if our choices had been different.

We spend the next couple of days texting. I tell her to check the baby's bag at the visit because we made her a footprint plaque. She says she excited and will call me after she gets it. That's the last communication I've had with her. Then she missed 3 visits and our icebreaker meeting. She never took the pictures or the plaque out of the bag.

I don't know what will happen next. She could show up next week like nothing ever happened and never miss another visit. Maybe we'll never speak again. Such is foster care.

I decided to post this because I think a lot of foster parents are apprehensive about meeting the parents. Bios just want to know you love their kids and that you know they are their kids. You could probably even wear jeans, although I don't recommend it :)

Sustaining The Love That Supports Our Story

Yesterday was a big day for us. It was my 25th birthday and our 6th wedding anniversary. Marriage is hard work for anybody, but as foster parents we put extra strain on ours. We have been running on very little sleep and even less "us" time since bringing home Baby 4. I'm always somewhat aware that I have it made being married to Brandon, but I'm not the best at expressing to him how much I appreciate everything he does for our family. Last year we cancelled an anniversary vacation once we knew our boys couldn't come with us, and I felt strongly about not using respite this year as well. Last year, we thought baby 2& 3 could be sent home in September and we didn't want to lose any time with them. This year I was concerned that moving Baby 4 would upset all the behavior progress we've been making and would actually be more work moving his medical equipment than it was worth. My Mom stayed with the boys while we got a room in a hotel in our city, since we were gone less than 24 hrs, we didn't have to use respite. We got the rest and relaxation that was so desperately lacking and Baby 4 got to maintain his routine.

No Crib? King bed? Air Conditioning? Heaven.

Awe! Presents!

Hello Room Service!

Then we got into a car accident. Really? On my Birth-a-versary?
At least it wasn't our fault and there were no kids in the car.

I came back home with renewed focus and energy for the upcoming months- first week of school, Shared parenting class, my first MAPP assignment, and possibly saying goodbye to either of our boys.

As much as I get wrapped up in our story, I'm trying to be better at paying as much attention to the backbone of it all- our marriage. I'm so so so thankful for the opportunity to strengthen that this week.

Back In The Swing Of Things- Then Some!

We've had Baby 5 for 2 weeks now. Everyone is doing remarkably well for all the transition that has occurred. The first weeks of a placement is SO busy even for the most laid back person, but add in all my eccentricities and they become a carnival of crazy:

Day 1 - Pick up Baby 5 from the hospital followed by a homevisit from 5's Foster Care Intake caseworker.

Day 2- Baby 5 meets Brandon's family at his nephew's graduation party

Day 3- Baby's 1st day of church! Since he's too little to be in the church nursery, we had to find people to hold him while we volunteered in 2 services. Not surprising- there were many willing baby rockers.

Day 4 - Pediatrician's appt -9lbs 8oz/ 22" long- 50th percentile for height, weight, and head

Day 5- Biovisit for Baby 4 followed by Family pictures at Target

Day 6- Biovisit for Baby 5 followed by pottery painting to make Baby 5's keepsake plate

Day 7- Biovisit for Baby 5

Day 8- Homevisit with Baby 5's new case manager (Generally the foster care intake worker would serve as case manager for the first 90 days of the child's placement. Since 5 has siblings with open cases in Foster Care management, his case was sent to their caseworker so we did a homevist with her.)

Day 9- Baby's 1st Baseball game.  After a mini-freak-out about needing some child-free time, Brandon sends me to get my nails done. I love that man.

Day 10- 2nd Sunday at church. I actually volunteered for one service while holding baby 5 the entire time. Feel free to call me SuperMom :)

Day 11- Call from the matcher for Respites 6 & 7- Not me, Not now.

Day 12- Biovisit for Baby 4 followed by trach training with his parents. Still feeling the buzz from an hour of childless-ness on Saturday, I steal away for a haircut and color. As I'm crowned in aluminum foil, who walks in? My husband, 2 sons, and my Dad- Oh family togetherness!

Day 13- There was a biovisit and icebreaker meeting set up for Baby 5, but neither happened. I got a call from the certifying trainer who did our initial foster care classes and homestudy asking me to co-lead with her in October! Then we went to pick up Baby 5's finished keepsake plate.

Day 14- Biovisit for Baby 5, pick up pictures from Target, Homevisit with Baby 4's new case manger and spend some outside time playing in the backyard.

Having 4 and 5 feels so natural. I think we're made for 2 children- they fit with our skill, patience, schedule, bedroom set up. While it's been busy, it's been so fun! Look out for the posts I have in the works- Sustaining Love (Day 15), Unrelated children, and Meeting the Bios.

Healthy White Newborn

I never pictured my future family having white children. It's just not what my dreams were made of. Even when we were trying to get pregnant, I felt like I would mother black children. Nobody understood me and it is the basis for a lot of joking in my social circle. I think everyone assumed I would marry outside of my own race- but I didn't. Then they thought I would change my expectations for what my family would look like- but I didn't. Transracial parenting is deeply ingrained in me, and I have no explanation for it. Fortunately my husband identified with my concept of family and fully intended to only parent black children as well.
We have had a lot of time to form intentional methods that we use to effectively parent minority children. We have positive language that we make sure to incorporate into our household conversation to recognize and affirm our children's identity and heritage. We have media, toys, and books that show a variety of ethnicities and family structures. We learned how to care for their hair and skin or who to call when we get in over our heads. We moved to an ethnically diverse church after Baby 1 came home.

We also decided that as long as we had a child outside our race in our home, we would not accept a white placement so that the child in our home would never be the only different one. We never wanted to be walking in the store and have our child notice someone assume that the white child was ours and the minority child was not. We never wanted to tempt our family to treat the child that "looks just like you!" differently than the child who does not. Even if nobody treated them differently, we would never want our child to feel that they are somehow out of place in their own family. This was our agreement. An agreement that I fully support.

Then I got the call for Baby 5. I have to defend myself by saying that the matcher told me all about him and his situation before mentioning his sister. It was only after I had committed my heart to him that I realized that his sister is white- pretty much ensuring that he is white. That twinge of guilt sank in. How could I say no to a child just because of race? I really want a baby. What about Baby 4? I really want a baby. A healthy white newborn could find a home quickly, shouldn't we wait for sickly black child that might not get matched? I really want a baby. It's at this moment I wish I could write that I prayed and fasted and sought wise counsel, but I really want a baby. So I said yes with less than a little hesitation.

Healthy white newborns are THE most sought after placements in the foster/ adoption world. People will wait on lists for 10+ years for a child matching Baby 5's description. I don't identify with any of the reasons, but I hear it goes something like: They don't want to be a walking billboard for adoption and have to field staring and questions out in public. Their extended family is varying degrees of prejudice and they don't want to cut ties or expose the child to that. They live in an all white community. They want to hide the child's adoption from the neighbors. I'm not here to judge any of that. I feel like since we are more than capable of taking a child of any race with a broad spectrum of disabilities, we should leave the healthy white newborns to the waiting list of people that would say no any other kind of placement. It kind of falls in line with doing foster care instead of fost/adopt or traditional adoption, because we want the kids that may not have gotten a home, not the ones who have a list of families waiting for the call. This is not a pat on the back for us at all, we are not making a sacrifice, we are pursuing what our hearts desire for our family. The desire that I thank God He planted in my heart as a child.

So how does all that fall in line with us bringing home a HWN just yesterday? I have no clue.

I feel guilty. Baby 4 now has 3 white people in his house and I feel like we should be the ones that are outnumbered. Baby 4 is going to be the minority in the rest of the world, and I've just made him the minority in his own house. He doesn't notice now, but at some point he will. He'll notice that people think I'm babysitting him, but never question where Baby 5 belongs. He'll notice that baby 5 doesn't have to explain us to his friends at school. He'll notice that life is one degree easier for every shade lighter your skin is, and I hate that for him. I hate that my selfishness may have exacerbated a problem that I can never fix for him.

I feel normal. I was out today with baby 5 and no one took a second look at us. I didn't get one approving smile or person looking around to see if my child was really with me or someone else who looked more the part. I got no unsolicited advise about hair. I was just a normal Mom with a normal baby. Completely out of my element.

I feel like a sellout. I still think our all our nothing approach to transracial parenting is appropriate for the racial climate in New York right now. Our kids need a safe home environment because the world is cruel. I'm starting to think that I can provide that even with a white child in our home, and I think that having the white child exposed to transracial parenting techniques will make for a very empathetic and considerate human being. I'm crossing over!!!

I honestly don't know that taking this particular baby as #5 will change the dynamic of our family that much. Really, either of my children could be sent home fairly quickly and then everything changes. I guess I fear being just a white family, which is super strange- I know. I guess for the sake of my ego, I wanted you to know that I was not wading around in the pool of parents waiting for a healthy white newborn, but I'm really glad we got him.