Can you keep a secret?

I'm a little done with foster care. We got our re-certification packet int he mail this week and it was the first time it seemed inconvenient to fill out the forms and get a physical in order to continue to keep our foster home open.

We didn't get TPR for baby 4 this month. Instead, the county just offered to suspend everything for another year. So we go back in 2014 to talk about permanence- 3 years after removal.

Our adoption for Baby Girl was finalized one week after the suspended judgement. Although she's always been "ours", having her be really for real- like I don't have to call anyone if we want to leave the country with her or wonder what a judge will think of my home- is really liberating, and normal. I never wanted to be normal, but I think maybe I'm old enough to start considering it.

So we started talking about our future in foster care. Clearly we will stay certified because we need to see Baby 4's case through, but after that we will likely have 2 forever kids with medical needs that require plenty of attention. We thought maybe we should only take respite kids for now. So we did.

We got a call for a 4 day respite. A 5yr old girl and her 1 yr old brother. And I nearly died. They were cute as buttons. The baby was pudgy and so sweet, like seriously edible. It was the first time I felt like they were someone else's kids and didn't belong with us. That never happens. I usually feel like any kid could some into our family and find a place. When we got the call to take them again two weeks later, I said no.

Both of the matchers in our agency have been replaced in the past 6 months. The new matchers don't know us, and we haven't gone out of our way to introduce ourselves or ask for kids because we were uncertain. That hasn't stopped them from calling though. Calls for placements- a 7 year old girl severely underweight, and 11 yr old boy who does great in school, a 9 year old girl who has autism- No. No, No...

Baby 4 and Baby Girl are having surgery in May. We are scheduled to go on vacation next week for spring break. We aren't sure if our love story has turned a new page.

Then today we got a Hallelujah. The matcher said, "I have a possible placement", and I got my "No" ready.

Born today... No Information... Discharge on Monday... Twins... Boys....

The matcher got silence.

"Can I call my husband? I'll call you right back."

I got an equal amount of silence when I asked Brandon. He asked me what I wanted him to say. I wanted him to say no so I could blame him for the whole ordeal. He said yes and I squealed.

 Who am I kidding?! I love this. In what other universe do you pick up your phone on a Friday and bring home 2 babies on Monday? We have the room. We have the time and skills. They need a home and we have been blessed with more home than we need. I am SO EXCITED and totally going to do foster care forever.

So I went to Walmart and bought cute little matching outfits and snowsuits, teeny tiny diapers, and baby boy pacifier clips. It's been a year since I did that for Baby Girl and 4 years since doing it the very first time for Baby 1. That trip to Walmart does not get old.

Something is different though, and that's where the secret comes in. There is literally no information on the boys. Nothing about family or possible relatives that could take them. I'm convinced we can do this, but I'm not 100% convinced they are actually coming. We can't see them until Monday. I don't know their names. I've decided to keep this placement on a need to know basis because it just might not happen. But I had to tell someone, so I thought I'd start with the whole internet. So just don't tell anyone, OK?

Twins.

Oh, and we have Baby 2 & 3 for the weekend too. When it rains, it pours!