I'm Back!

I missed missed my bloggy world for the couple weeks I was gone. Things have been TENSE around here, let me tell you! I shut down the blog for a while after I received a threat (delivered to my doorstep) that my blog had been printed out and would be distributed to 5's biofamily. That would at least result in a conversation with my agency about my blogging and at most cause my kids to get moved. I believe the threat (which was actually attempted, but unsuccessfully) was intended to cause the latter. So I shut down this site and my facebook until things calmed down. I was sad about it too. I really love you all.

A very special Thank You goes out to Mitzy at Inside The Parent Trap . She wrote a very nice post wishing me well and it made my day. Mitzy, Blogger doesn't let me comment on your blog!! I get an error message about a long running script that I'm not savvy enough to understand, but I read your posts and love checking in on the goings on of your journey!

Foster Care did not take a holiday for us this season! We had surgery for Baby 4 two days before Christmas, court this week for Baby 4, and an increase in visits for both boys. I investigated the mysterious case of the missing clothes after Baby 5's visits last week- turns out that even with a caseworker sitting in the room supervising, the clothes that baby is wearing (including shoes) and the spare outfit in the diaper bag can get up and walk out all by themselves. Yesterday we got a Hallelujah call for "a baby with a seizure disorder who needs close supervision and medication". I very quickly said yes, then found out an hour later that the baby is "4yrs old and needs medication administered rectally during his seizures". So there is no Baby 6. Medicaid sent me a letter letting me know Baby 4 has been to the Dr. 18 times since coming into care, and so he isn't eligible for anymore Dr. appts until April. He is only covered for emergency services. Yeah, that won't work since we're planning another surgery for February. This will end with Medicaid extending 4's coverage after I spend way too much time calling way too many people and probably crying once or twice. Happy Foster Care!!

Coming up for us is court for Baby 4 on Monday, court for Baby 5 in two weeks, and then the probable return home of Baby 5. Baby 4 is turning 5yrs old at the end of the month and I reserved the indoor play center we love for his party. Later that week, we are planning to have him admitted to the hospital to have his trach removed!!! If that is successful, he'll be a completely typical kid with no special medical needs!!!

I started up my New Years "get fit" tradition the day after Christmas. I stopped calling it a resolution last year :) I broke out my hand weights and indoor walking DVD just as Baby 5 decided that he needs to be held around the clock. Baby 4 likes to sit on the couch for a half hour every morning and laugh at me doing aerobics while holding a squirmy 5 month old who screams if I put him down. The 16lbs of baby is doing nice things for my arm muscles though.

My main New Year's resolution is to stop trying to figure out the next stage of our story. I'm constantly thinking about "what ifs"- What if Baby 4 leaves? What if Babies 2 & 3 come back? What if we get a call for an adoptive placement? What if we never adopt and do just foster care forever? What if I get pregnant? This constant internal dialogue is exhausting and useless. What is coming next will happen whether or not I worry about or predict it. This year, I'm going to enjoy where we are right now. I love my boys and our situation is tolerable right now- no matter what happens next.