tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post989172530215367877..comments2023-11-02T08:30:35.925-04:00Comments on Foster Care: Our Love story: What Makes a Family?Teresahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03468784692000665835noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-52403225603322894352014-11-18T00:53:56.176-05:002014-11-18T00:53:56.176-05:00I really loved reading this! I was adopted and it ...I really loved reading this! I was adopted and it always felt weird to talk about my "biological mom". As I got older I started thinking about my "biological mom" as my mother. A mother is someone who gives birth. And I owe her my life because she chose to love me and give me life. Then I have my Mom. My "adoptive mom" is the only one I ever really knew. I think of "mom" as a more personal term, one reserved for the one who cared for me and raised me. This has made it so much easier so I don't have to clarify with so many words each time I talk about one or the other. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-13199883863932068322014-11-06T19:33:47.719-05:002014-11-06T19:33:47.719-05:00I love this. Reading it made a lot of sense to me....I love this. Reading it made a lot of sense to me. My husband and I are just starting out in the process of hopefully becoming foster parents. We aren't sure we will ever have our own kids and we would love to help other kids if we can't. I always wondered what the right way was to refer to ourselves, do we call ourselves dad or mom? What do we call their biological parents then? This made blog post and your most recent one made me feel a lot better about all of that. Seems so complicated sometimes. So again, thank you! Ramblings of an Honest Hearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12421173190119742184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-71815605517756118602014-10-31T12:31:12.066-04:002014-10-31T12:31:12.066-04:00This is sucha difficult topic! Our first foster da...This is sucha difficult topic! Our first foster daughter (who is still with us after 4 months) comes from an environment that I could never accurately describe. It is riddled with abuse and incest and drugs.HOnestly I waffle back and forth from despiseing them for what they allowed to happen/did to Snow White to piting them. <br /><br />Despite all of that I will say this: that can never, ever, ever be something that the children should ever be able to pick up on. THey have enough issues trying to figure out how to love all of us at the same time that they don't need us trying to bad mouth the others. <br /><br />I am working on having compassion.... you are further along then I am Teresa. But I agree... one day the judge will make a decision, and Snow White will either go back to a place that is not safe, or I will have to tell her that she will never go home. Neither will be a win. Foster Newbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12034158260210307364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-40367057395475622252014-10-31T08:54:40.765-04:002014-10-31T08:54:40.765-04:00We've been wrestling with this in our house. I...We've been wrestling with this in our house. I've always referred to Primo's parents as his parents or his Mom and his Dad. In my blog I may have referred to them as Bio parents now and again but in real life I've always called them his parents. I kept thinking we needed to come up with a new term for when his adoption was complete. But I still call them Primo's Mom and Dad, that's who they will always be. <br /><br />Just the other day I was talking to my sister and referred to Primo's Mom as such and my sister asked why I call her that? And then reminded me that I'm his REAL Mom. I shared with her that I've never been offended by anyone calling Primo's parents his Mom and Dad, that's who they are and always will be. We are both his Moms.<br /><br />When I talk to Primo about his Mom he does get a bit confused so I've started calling her "your Karen-Mom" (not her real name).<br /><br />We also have framed photos of Primo with his Mom and Dad in his room. I can't tell you how many times friends and family have questioned us about this. The bottom line is that they think we're crazy, but those are his parents, that is the truth and always will be so why would I want to keep that information and relationship from him?mitzy wickershamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15031796306624404920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-9591057591780047232014-10-30T23:31:39.020-04:002014-10-30T23:31:39.020-04:00As trite as it may sound, there can never be too m...As trite as it may sound, there can never be too many people to love a child. Should G's mother have gotten him back? Prob not(for his emotional well being) but she did, and that is that. Her choices good and bad don't change her status as his mother. If it could have been different and we could have all shared his care it would have been in HIS best interests, but it didn't happen. We will always love him, and much as she would like to she can't unmake us his grandparents, we haven't seen him for 17 months and 29 days but we are still here. No amount of wishing or hoping is going to change who she is and who we are, it is, as they say, what it is.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15698048718456255433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-7406696521072076312014-10-30T17:00:28.923-04:002014-10-30T17:00:28.923-04:00Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! I am so...Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! I am so tired of hearing "Their parents don't deserve to get them back" or "I hope they can just stay with you forever". Until the rights are terminated, our goal is still reunification. And if the rights are terminated, they will still always be the children's parents. As terrible as the parents may be, termination is never a happy thing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-70908476355802169132014-10-30T16:37:00.871-04:002014-10-30T16:37:00.871-04:00Wow! I loved the "Who belongs to this child?&...Wow! I loved the "Who belongs to this child?" thought. That is beautiful!Terynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00153895957665920383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-57181608511832610762014-10-30T14:26:45.186-04:002014-10-30T14:26:45.186-04:00We don't use birth or first mom with our 10 ye...We don't use birth or first mom with our 10 year old foster son. We call her "Donna-mom" (not real name) and me "Alethea-mom." Donna-Mom is deceased, and FS has been in care nearly 4 years. We don't compete for real-momness, but it's partly because she's not around. At 10, however, and with some stability and ability to reflect, FS is starting to see ways in which she was not a good mom. We never discuss these kinds of things, but he'll bring up, "You do things XYZ way, but my Donna-Mom did ABC and that made me feel scared."Aletheahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17056863610469196748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9121594890308061231.post-3896871009499232012014-10-30T14:19:13.891-04:002014-10-30T14:19:13.891-04:00This is really interesting to me, as I've just...This is really interesting to me, as I've just decided to work harder on using "bio-parent" more for M. We're finally close to adopting her, and she understands so much when we talk about it in front of her. She knows that she wasn't born to us the way the baby was, but she also knows, with certainty, that I'm her mom and Andy's her dad; it's hard for her to wrap her head around that when I still refer to someone else as "M's mom" all the time. But that's a deliberate change, because for almost three years now I've referred to her original set of parents as her "mom and dad" while simultaneously using that title for us, the people raising her. <br /><br />I look forward to seeing what language she chooses as she gets older, and of course we'll follow her lead on what feels best. <br /><br />I have also seen this trend of disparaging the original family as a way to bolster the new family, and it sucks. We've tried hard to keep people from doing that but it's such a popular move.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17087847312958608930noreply@blogger.com